One day, I was talking to a very special cougar friend of mine from out of town (that's another post altogether) about one of our favorite shows, Girls, which is basically the post-grad version of Sex in the City. One of the characters, played by Brian Willams' sexy daughter, is a shallow, uptight, self involved thundercunt who broke up with her boyfriend for, essentially, being a good guy. My friend was explaining that "cunt karma" would probably come to her soon enough. I doubled over, laughing at this new term that totally deserves to be in Urban Dictionary and decided to quote her on my Facebook page.
Cunt Karma: the act of a woman getting her comeuppance after behaving badly and/or cunt-ish.
Ex: "I knew a chick who went into the bathroom, broke the mirror with her forehead and told the police that her boyfriend hit her. Cunt Karma caught up with her later."
One young lady in particular didn't find it amusing.
A Little Background: She was a profoundly naive copy editor for a local university I'd met at work a couple of months ago. Commonly, I don't consort with copy editors. They tend to believe their opinions on grammar and syntax validate their opinions on anything else. Despite having an incredible ass, I didn't really have any interest in her, but we'd sparked conversation about a subject related to one of my writing projects, so I'd given her my email. She'd found my Facebook within the same two hours and was intrigued with my work and the people I knew in my field. "Oh my God, you know THE John Doe???"
Anyway, she sent me an inbox message to see how I was doing, tiptoeing around the real reason she'd reached out to me.
Her: Can I ask you a question?
Me: Sure.
Her: You may not like it.
Me: I'm used to questions I don't like. Go.
Her: What exactly is your beef with women? It seems like you take time to shit on one us a lot. I mean no offense by this. I'm just curious.
Me: I'm not offended. You're misinformed.
Her: I assure you I'm not misinformed. What else am I supposed to assume if you criticize things about women? Like that "Cunt Karma" thing? Isn't that a bit problematic?
Me: That wasn't even me. A dear friend....a woman, mind you...came up with that. I EVEN tagged her in the post, making it evident that is wasn't something I personally said. A friend said something funny and I posted it. This makes me a He-Man Woman Hater?
Her: So, if I'm reading this correctly....you're defending dehumanizing a woman because ANOTHER woman said it?
Me: No. A woman did something messed up. She got called a bad name for it. If I push you down a flight of stairs, I don't get to be mad when someone calls me a douchebag.
Her: "Douchebag" and "cunt" are not on the same level. And it's obvious why they aren't.
Me: Why? When you do something awful, you don't get to pick and choose what you're called. Solution...don't do awful things.
Her: I can't even bring myself to give a rebuttal to that.
Me: If it was me who got a woman arrested for something she didn't do, I have to live with the responsibility of whatever I'm called in the court of public opinion. That's what it means to have my "big boy pants" on. I posted something you don't like. Therefore, I have to live with the responsibility of you thinking that I'm some villainous woman hater. No matter how untrue it is.
Her: I can tell you're getting agitated....
Me: I'm not agitated. Again, I can't get agitated with someone who is so gravely misinformed. The point is I don't have a beef with women. The women I have a "beef" with bear that burden as individuals. I was talked down to and disrespected by a woman earlier this week, but I know all women aren't responsible. But by the "logic" that has led you to this line of questioning, the problem that I have with individual women means in that I take issue with all women. I don't care what gender a person is. I hold people accountable....men and women alike.
Her: I am not misinformed. There's nothing wrong with holding people accountable for wrongdoings, but there's a lot wrong with dehumanizing them. "Cunt" is dehumanizing because it reduces a woman to one function.
Me: That's what insults are for. And what about the man she had arrested?
Her: What are you talking about?
Me: Read that post closely....like you should have originally. That woman was recounting the story of an old friend who broke a mirror over her head and called the cops, telling them her boyfriend did it. She had him arrested. Have you ever been arrested?
Her: No.
Me: For a black man in America, being arrested AND being accused of physical abuse is pretty goddamned dehumanizing, too. But I don't see you inbox trolling in his defense.
Her: .......
Me: So you'll pardon me if I'm having trouble amassing sympathy for the woman whose rights you seem so determined to defend.
Her: I apologize for asking you that question and it's the last time you'll hear me ask you anything regarding your feelings about women. I'm sorry, Lennon.
You see, if only she'd read the premise more carefully, she wouldn't have had to get so upset and put on her Wonder Woman bracelets to enter a battle of wits so woefully unarmed. She wasn't really mad at me. She was mad at herself for being so deeply stupid.
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