In Which Lennon Uses the "G" Word.....

There have been a few changes since my last post, some of them I'm saving for later posts. Primary among them is that I'm in something resembling a monogamous relationship with a woman unlike any that I'm used to. It's been almost three months now which is far longer any woman in a very long time has stayed around without me getting completely annoyed.

As is the case with any "relationship," there are things that require some getting used to. One of those things is actually using the term "girlfriend." It's a word I've taken for granted for many years now. I use it for sarcastic, humorous purposes most of the time, using it to mark women I know my friends hate, saying things like "Your little girlfriend over there's being an ass." It's actually rare for me to even use it in actual relationships. As someone who is used to degrees of commitment being agreed upon in coded language, short conversations and dark corners like drug dealers making distribution arrangements, I've been monogamous more often than I've actually been referred to as anyone's "boyfriend."

I know this is something not commonly associated with me now that I've actually said the word out loud. The first time was at work just this past weekend. It was almost quitting time and my coworkers and I were discussing movies. I mentioned the worst movie I'd seen all year (that's saying a lot considering that I also saw World War Z) and that She'd dragged me to it. The word sort tumbled off my tongue clumsily and "matter of fact" in a moment I wasn't actually conscious of. The conversation paused and shifted almost without me realizing it at first....

Coworker: Wait...huh?

Me: Oh, sorry, I skipped ahead. It's this stupid movie about....

Coworker: No, it's just that I didn't realize....YOU have a significant other?

(Sidenote: I'm still trying to figure out if he said "significant other" because he was trying to be work appropriate or because he thought I was gay all this time.)

Me: Oh. Ummm....well, yeah, it's evolved to an exclusive arrangement.

Coworker #2: Whoa, that didn't sound like the most enthusiastic answer.

Me: That's not what I....

Coworker: No, dude, that was practiced. That was the kind answer you get when you call customer care about phone service.

Boss: I've known Lennon for many years and you have to understand he hasn't been a conventional relationship in a while. He used to be a bit of a manwhore.

Me: Seriously?!

Boss: How many first dates did you go on?

Me: **sighs** A lot.

Boss: How many second dates?

Me: Some....

Boss: But not as many as the amount of first dates, right?

Me: .........

Boss: Right?

Me: That doesn't signify "whoring."

Boss: Uh-huh.

Me: I never lied. I nev...

Boss: ....never two-timed anyone. I've heard the hard sell.

Me: I'm just saying that it speaks less to my dating habits and more to the quality of woman that....

Boss: Okay, but the argument could be made that, due to the sheer number of.....

Me: Boss made her last boyfriend cry!!!

Coworkers 1 & 2: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Boss: Oh, come on! That's not what....

Me: ....and told him to "suck it up" before walking out.

Boss: .....shut up.