In Which Lennon Realizes What Love Has Become....

         One of the reasons I usually hate Valentine's Season (January 14th - February 14th) isn't the force-fed feelings and capitalism. I understand the necessity of that. If nothing else, I expect America to excel at squeeze every and any penny fathomable out of every societal comfort we take. My issue has always been with the people who take time out of their day to make fun of the lonely. Often times, I look around and I see turmoil and sadness. I see people drowning in their own depression, choking on it. Periodically, despite the apparent concensus that I'm some hateful cynic, I like to send messages out, spread some positivity and remind people that they have value with or without someone to buy chocolates for. Of course, this inevitably brings me to my overbearing-former-almost-romance.

As it turns out, the relationship she was in when we last saw each other didn't work out. I don't know why and even if I did care, it's not my concern. The result is these her falling into a state of despair that leaves her posting a lot of what a friend of mine refers to a "lonely girl" status updates on Facebook. You've seen lonely girl statuses before.

"Rain is perfect cuddle weather. Wish I had someone to cuddle with. Oh, well...I'll settle for this wine and candles."

"I cooked the hell out of this dinner. Can't wait to cook for my husband...wherever he is."

"I can't wait to be married" (This is actually a real one)

Anyway, on Valentine's Day, I'd just come home from work and was having dinner when I noticed her posting particularly vague, sad statuses that left me genuinely concerned. Despite what happened (or didn't happen) between us, I still consider her a dear friend whom I'd do anything for. I reached out to offer some support and the following ensued.

Me: You okay?

Her: I am just tired. That's all.

Me: I think that's true of us all at one point or another.

Her: Yeah.

Me: That shit passes, though. Live your life as best you can. If you really want what you want, you'll have it. You're a lovely woman with a big heart, one of the best I know. My status yesterday meant you, too. You are worthy. You have value.

Her: Thanks, but I couldn't even get you to love me so I'm just done.

This moment is the entire problem with dating and relationships. She, like many people, wanted something and needed a vessel through which to gain it the same way some people choose surrogates to have children for them when they themselves are unable. Instead of people getting to know each other, sharing lives, trying to figure out whether a union between the two of them makes sense, we have people treating courtship like gambling at a racetrack.

"I want money and this horse is going to win it for me if I have to ride the fucker like Zorro" is the same as saying...... "I want to a marriage. I want flowers and tea sandwiches and dancing and 50 Facebook albums of the wedding and guess what, motherfucker? YOU are going to give it to me even if I have to strap you to my back and carry you across the altar. YOU."

Related Fun Facts:

-Symbiosis: a close and often long-term interaction between two or more different biological species.

-Parasite: is a non-mutual relationship between organisms of different species where one organism, the parasite, benefits at the expense of the other, the host.


The sad truth is that somewhere along the way, she's convinced herself that relationships don't require two  interested parties as long as one of them wants it badly enough. For her, love has become a prize to be won at the end of an imaginary finish line. She's got the rest of her life with another independent, sentient being planned out in her head....and a cookie cutter space where the other person is supposed to be. She doesn't want to be married. She wants a wedding, a tangible symbol of "maturity" and accomplishment to parade in front of her friends.

It may just be me, but you shouldn't try to MAKE someone love you. People either love you or they don't. It's organic. If there's one thing that I learned from my picked scab of a former romance, it's that love isn't one person trudging uphill pulling the other person's carriage. Love is just two people who make sense even if it's only to each other.