"....In Which Lennon Blames Tyler Perry..."

Okay, I'm just going to come out and say it: I think "Do you watch Tyler Perry movies?" should be added to the battery of questions you ask before going out with someone. Yes, really. I came to this conclusion a couple of years ago after being dragged to "Why Did I Get Married Too?" which is the Dark Knight of contemporary black melodrama. The woman in question's film choice blindsided me because it seemed out of character given her cynicism and intellectual prowess, but I figured it couldn't be that bad. Besides, it was an early showing, so I figured there was still an opportunity to have some fun afterwards. I was wrong. Really wrong. On so many counts. It was a fundamentally silly movie and she was so sucked into the silly movie that there was no room for the small beats of interaction that should take place on a date. And after the silly movie, making something happen (namely sex) became a vague pipe dream because all she wanted to do was drone on an on about the silly movie. Though, to be fair, of Perry's movies, this one was the least date-friendly. Now I know. Anyway, this brings me to the point....

I've been on countless dates in my lifetime and I'm asked any myriad of questions. 40 percent of these questions usually have to do with money or employment which is understandable.  It's a simple formula: question your partner according your needs and values. Commonly, since most of my needs and values from the opposite gender equate to sex and company it goes without saying that my questions are fundamentally different. Society demands that a woman has to take a man's ability to maintain her security into consideration when evaluating him as a life partner.

I, on the other hand, have to take my sanity into consideration if I'm going to maintain another human being's security....especially if that human has the potential to either a). subject me to Madea Does Atlanta or b). spend my money subjecting me to CSI: Special Soulfood Unit. I need to know whether or not I'm going to have to buy multiple televisions or start a Netflix account for my laptop. It's possible that my primetime television block is going to be commandeered by the two hours worth of evening television Big Mama 2.0 produced material absorbs on any given night. This is serious stuff.

Moral of the Story: Find out your potential date's Tyler Perry level. Unless, of course, you yourself like Tyler Perry films. In that case, may your nights be filled with love, cornbread and crossdressing.